Puto Swears Off Social Media Voting Contests

 

You would think the Social Media Puto would love these contests that force you to pester the fuck out of your readers to vote for you.

After all, the Puto has been very successful in getting his readers from his other, more serious blog, Photography is Not a Crime, to win several of these contests over the last few years.

PINAC won the 2010 Sun-Sentinel Best Overall Blog and the 2011 Sun-Sentinel Best Photography Blog as well as the 2010 South Florida Daily Blog Post of the Year, just to name a few.

The latter contest became such a Last Minute Landslide that Rick, who operates the SFDB, eliminated that part of the contest altogether.

Although the Puto is proud of playing a direct role in this decision, he never really liked these contests because they made him feel like such a whore.

And yes, the Puto is a whore, but he doesn’t like feeling like a cheap whore.

He would rather whore himself for free booze and food than online votes.The only reason he participated in the contests in the first place was because he has a very competitive spirit and wasn’t about to let someone else win, if he could help it.

But starting now, the Puto is swearing off these contests, even if his blog is in the running. He is still enough of a whore to appreciate if people would vote for him, but he is not going to pester them anymore.

And if somebody else wins these contests, that is ok too because the Puto can just take the typical cop-out routine by saying he never even participated.

And the Puto is surely not going to allow himself to be pestered to vote for these contests that pop up on Facebook on a daily basis where people are asking you to vote for their babies or some snapshot they took or even worse, the fucking companies they work for. It’s not like we’re on their payrolls, so why should we pretend to like that company that provides absolutely no service to us?

The main reasons that the Puto disagrees with these contests were laid out last month by a blogger named Mommy Niri.

She lists six reasons. The first one is listed below, which should be reason enough.

They give (others) good traffic!
Did you ever see where you could vote on your own site? No, all our links to votes are steered to the hosting parties website or their pages. So guess who is really winning the popularity contest? This all started as some (lazy) person’s way to increase traffic of brands and sadly it stuck. Notice any brands says constantly “Go vote for your favorite”? No? That’s because they have you doing it FOR FREE!

Even though Mommy Niri calls herself a mommy blogger, the list of sponsors on her right sidebar indicate she is a Social Media Puta. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

She obviously knows how to whore herself out for greenbacks and not measly little votes.

And for that, the Social Media Puto takes his SMP shower cap off for her.

 

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Puto Attends 1980s Burlesque

The Social Media Puto attended a 1980s Burlesque Prom last week where he was told to dress up in 80s fashion, which wasn’t that difficult considering he has always been a couple of decades behind in fashion.

He ended up donning a sports coat, a Miami Vice t-shirt and some cool shades and driving up to Cinema Paradiso in Broward last Thursday.

Wearing his new Miami Vice t-shirt, the Social Media Puto is shown here Putiando with Beah Bunnie.

The Puto had never been to a burlesque before but figured it was something like a strip show, which he has attended before in the name of journalistic research for Miami Beach 411.

However, he has since learned that stripping is only a small part of a burlesque. Here is how Wikipedia defines it:

Burlesque is a literary, dramatic or musical work intended to cause laughter by caricaturing the manner or spirit of serious works, or by ludicrous treatment of their subjects. The word derives from the Italian burlesco, which itself derives from the Italian burla – a joke, ridicule or mockery.

Nevertheless, it was pretty much a strip show except the dancers wore pasties on their breasts, which reminded the Puto of that time he covered a “topless protest” on South Beach (which again was done in the name of journalistic research).

As always, the Puto was armed with his cameras, which allows him to show you the above video and photos below. @JanieC also shot a video, which includes the Puto putting on his best strip dance moves.

There were a few drag queens at the show, but the Puto conveniently managed to be at the bar whenever they took the stage, which explains the lack of photos and videos of the male performers.

The burlesque was organized by Isadora Bull, who is performing to Smoking in the Boy’s Room in the above video. It was hosted by Vice Queen Maria of Sex and the Beach. And proceeds went to Stand Up To Cancer.

 

Isadora Bull

JanieC doing her best Corona promo

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Other Putos Make Their Pitch to the Social Media Puto

So the Social Media Puto has been unable to whore his way into any of the Miami Heat playoff games, which goes to show you just how much in demand they are.

Instead, he has to watch the games at either Hooter’s or Ale House, two of his favorite local establishment where there is plenty of Putiando taking place, especially between male customers and female bartenders.

One waitress gave him a free order of fries. Another waitress at the other restaurant gave him a free beer. All in the hopes that they would make the Social Media Puto blog.

But nobody is Putiando as much as fellow Miami Heat fan Damian Estevez who has spent the past week whoring a new Miami Heat music video created by his friend and local musician, Bryan Canales (or NaLes Music)

The song is called Miami Heat White Hot Anthem and sings about “all white everything” in regards to the Heat. But obviously Canales is not singing about skin color because we all know a team of all-whites will never makes the playoffs.

The white actually refers to the white portion in a flame, which is the hottest portion.

Here’s how Estevez explained in his message to the Social Media Puto:

The White Hot Anthem is a dedication to the Miami Heat basketball team written by local Miami music artist Bryan Canales aka NaLes.
The White Hot anthem embraces the Miami Heat players and the city of Miami as a whole and hopes to inspire other Miami’ians to jump aboard the white hot train to the championships.

We are very big heat fans and we thought “hmmm i wonder if the Heat Really know how passionate we are about them, how we are not and no longer be a bandwagon city because now we have 3 kings to make back to back championships to Miami” so we came up with a clever track Representing all that embodies Miami and Basketball in Miami.

The cool Part is this song and the concept of it was created with in 2 hour session at the home studio… we took it to our friends at Maybach Latino Music Group and they lloved it… we also took it to Huge Music / Hugo Diaz which is the producer responsible for Pitbulls Fame….. and he to has loved it…. we are working on getting this to the masses with a colaboration with other local miami music artists…

The video We created to highlight all that is embodied in the Miami Heats White Hot Theme…. because we feel that the White Hot theme makes what the Heat are… the White Part of a Flame is the purest and hotest part of the Flame…. and thats what we feel this track is.

We are currently and quickly creating the idea for the video which we want to film using the colaboration with the other artists…. we want to film it at the stadium and we want to film in the streets of miami basketball courts where we can show that we too can ball we too love basketball…. we too got what it takes to be champions

These guys are so good at Putiando that they might be able to whore themselves into one of the upcoming playoff games.

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Global Liquor Passes Puto Test

Global Liquors is family-owned but the Social Media Puto only managed to capture Monica's name (in the middle between her parents)

The Social Media Puto is fortunate to live in a neighborhood where he has two liquor stores within walking distance, meaning he can throw a Puto Party at a moment’s notice.

Now he has a third. And it has already won him over by giving him free booze, something the other two liquor stores have never done, despite the hundreds of dollars he has spent at those places.

The new liquor store is called Global Liquors and can be found at 2947 Coral Way in Miami.

Last Friday, Global Liquors hosted a Johnnie Walker tasting, meaning they expected customers to take a sip of Scotch and purchase a bottle.

They were probably not prepared for the Social Media Puto planting his Putiando Ass next to the serving table for more than an hour, ensuring his glass never remained empty.

After getting his fill of free booze, the Social Media Puto then purchased a bottle of Old Bushmill’s Irish Whiskey, which he much prefers over Johnnie Walker (even though they are both owned by Diageo).

The Bushmill’s cost $20.99, which seemed like an excellent price. To further his research, the Social Media Puto dropped in on his two other liquor stores and discovered they were selling Bushmill’s for $23.99 and $24.99.

So that’s two points for Global Media, one for the free booze, the other for the cheap Bushmill’s.

Global Liquors plans to continue hosting tasting events, including a wine tasting this Friday from 6-9 p.m. that is described on its Facebook page as follows (they also have a Twitter page):

Spanish Wines Tasting: The tasting will include an Albarino, a 2008 Bodegas Maurodos Prima – Toro, accompained by Smoked salmon, Saussicon Sec among other surprises we will uncork tomorrow! Stop by Global Liquors from 6-9pm tomorrow!!!!!

The Social Media Puto might make a guest appearance with his camera.


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Putiando for Pizza

The Social Media Puto is a born-and-raised Miami native who prefers to stay in the 305 unless he’s jumping bail and fleeing the country.

However, he will make exceptions for free food and beer.

Especially if that gives him the opportunity to teach Anglos the word “putiando” as he did in the above video.

Putiando means whoring. It is essentially what the Social Media Puto does when he makes the Social Media Rounds at various events. It is what most Social Media Experts and Gurus also do, even though they won’t admit it.

On Monday, the Social Media Puto crossed two county lines into Boca Raton to attend the Pizza Tweetup at Grande Pizza, which, of course, was hosted by @Lapp of Worst Pizza.

Grande Pizza is owned by the same people who own Esposito’s in Davie; that place that makes that delicious Detroit-style pizza the Social Media Puto wrote about a few weeks ago.

The Detroit-style pizza is so good that the Social Media Puto might consider driving from Miami to Davie to actually pay for it.

And that’s a big step considering Davie was once known as the Ku Klux Klan enclave of South Florida, which means they probably don’t take too kindly to putos.

They also own a couple of restaurants in Ft. Lauderdale and Plantation and have one opening soon in Hollywood.

The Social Media Puto hopes they can eventually work their way down to Miami where most everybody will know the word “putiando.”

 

No conveyor belts here

 

Detroit-style pizza

New York pizza

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Homemade Chefs Cooking Classes Provide Festive Dinner Party Atmosphere

Chef George and his sister, Vanessa, are two of the most gracious hosts

Before the Social Media Puto discovered that restaurants would give him free food in exchange for tweets, he had to figure out other ways to satisfy his cravings for gourmet food.

After several unsuccessful attempts at trying to meet a woman in his age group who could actually cook, not to mention the stifling salary of the journalism career he chose that limited his restaurant excursions, the Social Media Puto had no other choice but to learn how to cook for himself.

And he actually became pretty good at it.

But he’s not a pro, which is why he became a regular at Homemade Chefs cooking classes.

The classes, operated by the award-winning Chef George (Jorge Montes) and his sister Vanessa, offer an informal, hands-on cooking experience where students learn to cook various international cuisines.

In other words, the classes are a blast.

More like a dinner party at a friend’s house than a structured regimen with a barking chef, the classes allow students to interact with each other over wine and beer (BYOB) or in Saturday’s case, Sangria, which students made fresh in class as they prepared Spanish dishes.

 

This is why they call him Chef Sazon

Chef George walks around and gives pointers and demonstrations while Vanessa keeps the music flowing.

The class ends with students sitting at the table eating, laughing and complimenting themselves for the excellent meal they just prepared.

The Social Media Puto hasn’t taken any other cooking classes in South Florida, but is confident to say this is the best cooking class you can find, even if he does have to cross the Miami border into Broward to take them.

He is, however, open to invitations from other classes who are open to be reviewed on this site.

In full disclosure, the Social Media Puto is good friends with Jorge and Vanessa, which means he didn’t even have to write this Puto Post because they would give him free food anyway.

Click here for more info or to see the rest of the photos from the Spanish cooking class. Or if you are interested in having Chef George cater an event, click here.

The Social Media Puto demonstrates the art of "putiando" for food.

 

Maria P. tastes the sangria she just made with the Social Media Puto

Maria P. serving up some sangria.

 

Rossemarie munches on a Tostada Catalan before dinner is served.

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The Social Media Puto Tries the New Cuban Flatbread Sandwich at Dunkin Donuts

It’s hard to be a Social Media Puto because everywhere you go, people want to give you free stuff in the hopes you will write something positive about them.

Take the case of Dunkin Donuts, which recently unveiled a new Cuban flatbread sandwich that is supposed to a Cuban sandwich but without the Cuban bread.

The would automatically make it not a Cuban sandwich. Or at least not a very good Cuban sandwich if you like Cuban bread as much as the Social Media Puto does.

But the Social Media Puto is not one to turn down free food. And neither is Aubrey Swanson, who accompanied the Social Media Puto up to the North Miami Dunkin Donuts Tuesday where they had invited local tweeters to try out the new sandwich.

Like a traditional Cuban sandwich, the Cuban flatbread sandwich comes with roasted pork, glazed ham and Swiss cheese, but instead of pickle slices, it uses a pickle spread. And instead of yellow mustard, it uses Dijon mustard.

Cuban flatbread sandwich, which sells for $3.49

It wasn’t bad, especially for $3.49. But it’s not something the Social Media Puto would actually spend money on, considering he lives in Miami and can buy the real thing on practically any corner.

Perhaps if he lived outside of Miami where Cuban sandwiches are not sold, but Dunkin Donuts is apparently only offering these sandwiches in Miami.

Doesn’t make sense to the Social Media Puto, but who is he to question a multi-billion dollar company?

Lee Reyes-Fournier, a Cuban-American who grew up eating Cuban sandwiches, was less discriminating. The only fault she found with the Cuban flatbread sandwich is that is needed to be more crunchy. You can hear her comments in the above video.

Dunkin Donuts heats their flatbreads in an oven. Traditional Cuban sandwiches are heated in a sandwich press known as a plancha, which brings out the crunch.

The Social Media Puto also believes the pork in the Cuban flatbread sandwiches should be sliced thinner to create a more balanced flavor, but Reyes-Fournier pointed out that the pork was very tender, so it didn’t matter.

A few months ago, the Social Media Puto was invited to try out the flatbreads at Seasons 52 in Coral Gables. They had a Cuban variation, but theirs’ was more like a pizza than a sandwich. And to the Puto’s surprise, he really enjoyed their Cuban flatbread.

The Cuban flatbread from Seasons 52 (in the middle) sells for $8.70 and is delicious

But that sells for $8.70 and it’s not fair to compare Seasons 52, which is a formal sit-down restaurant with a full liquor license, to Dunkin Donuts, which used to only be known for its donuts and now is known for its coffee and is trying to get known for its flatbreads, but will never be known as a formal sit-down restaurant.

Knowing we wouldn’t be satisfied just by eating the Cuban flatbread sandwich, Dunkin Donuts also fed us donuts, Munchkins, cheeseburger and pepperoni/cheese stuffed breadsticks, which reminded the Social Media Puto of those Totino’s pizza rolls his mom would buy when he was a kid and would never buy again now that he has a choice in the matter. But Aubrey really enjoyed the cheeseburger stuffed breadstick.

Out of everything they fed him, the Social Media Puto preferred the cheddar bagel twist and the donuts and Munchkins. He would go back for those.

Dunkin Donuts also handed out little schwag bags, which included a little Dunkin Donuts 2 GB USB flash drive. That made the Social Media Puto very happy.

These ladies show off their schwag bags

Aubrey reaching for a cheddar bagel twist

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Social Media More Popular Than Porn?

 

The Social Media Puto has been keeping up with all the Social Media Hype on Twitter lately, hearing a lot of unconfirmed reports that Social Media has overtaken porn as the number one activity on the internet.

And that may be true, but only because Social Media gives us something to do at work while counting the hours until we get home to surf for porn.

But even though porn is frowned upon at work, 20 percent of men have admitted to viewing it on the job, meaning the other 80 percent were lying when interviewed.

Social Media, on the other hand, is usually accepted, if not encouraged at work, allowing us to talk to our friends, make new friends, vent against our boss and even follow porn stars – all under the guise that we are doing something productive for the company (if we play our cards right).

Although some companies don’t allow Social Media to be used at work, these bosses are viewed by Social Media Experts as antiquated and in need of education.

Even the federal government which is usually slow to adapt to anything has been steadfastly allowing its employees to use Social Media at work, even though most were doing it anyway.

Unfortunately, nobody has been savvy enough to convince their boss to allow them to view porn at the office, although the Social Media Puto once was allowed to view porn in the office for an article he was writing.

But the Social Media Puto has learned to get away with almost anything in the name of journalistic research.

Still, the Social Media Puto is not naive enough to believe that Social Media is more popular than porn.

After all, it’s not what people do in public that counts. It’s what they do in private.

Last year, Ask Dave Taylor posted a list of the 25 top keyword terms and phrases that were compiled by Wordtracker.

The list included words like pussy, porn, boobs, tits, milf, girls, free porn, lesbians and girls gone wild.

Not a single Social Media Term was on the list, spelling bad news for those Social Media Experts and Gurus and Consultants who are trying to sell their services online.

But the beauty of the internet is that it not only allows amateurs to claim Social Media Expertise, it allows amateurs to post porn videos.

The latter might at least teach us something new.

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The Social Media Puto Crashes the Gates of WLRN After He Was Not Invited to their Social Media Party (video)

The fallout over the WLRN brainstorming session to which the Social Media Puto was not invited spilled over onto his Facebook page where several of his friends also complained of not being invited.

Even Alex De Carvalho, considered by many to be the reigning Social Media King of South Florida, said he was not invited as well as Michelle Catin, who sits on the board of Social Media Club South Florida.

Aubrey Swanson, social media coordinator at Kaufman Rossin, was also heartbroken she was not invited.

Meanwhile, the Social Media Puto has confirmed that WLRN provided free pizza, wine and little schwag bags to those privileged attendees.

Blanca Mejia even got to take home a bottle of wine, indicating that most of the attendees were not pounding the wine as hard as the Social Media Puto would have.

Lori Todd, who organized the schwag bash, said they wanted to keep it small to maintain a serious discussion about the future of WLRN’s Under the Sun Social Media Endeavors.

Hey guys, I know that a lot of this is tongue-in-cheek but I realize there’s a reason you spent the time to write a post about it. I wanted to clarify a few things, since I’ve been taking care of Under the Sun’s social media efforts since J…anuary and last night’s event was my production. We’re a tiny team of WLRN employees and non-employees who volunteer time to produce this original place-based radio segment. We really want to transform our show into something that truly is interactive and different. We wanted to invite a small group of people to really have a conversation of where we should take things. We invited all those who responded to our invitational tweet. We’ll be doing more of these and would like to extend an invite to all of you – please email me at lori@wlrnunderthesun.org if you want to come next time. Please note we’ll also be having more meetups/social media events in the future.

On Friday, the day after their little hobnob, the Social Media Puto crashed the gates of WLRN to demand to know why he wasn’t invited. He managed to get video footage from the sacred halls of WLRN, including the secluded room where the party took place to show the rest of the rejects what they missed, before he was kicked out.

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WLRN’s Under the Sun Keeps Social Media Event Under Wraps

 

The only thing worse than the Social Media Puto not being invited to a Social Media Party is to hear his friends raving about what a great time they had at that party.

After all, partying is what is all about for the Social Media Puto.

So he was disappointed to learn that several of his Social Media Friends attended the WLRN Under the Sun  “brainstorm session” Thursday night and nobody told him about it.

It’s not like he doesn’t follow WLRN on Twitter. He understands enough about Social Media that you have to follow a company in order to cash in on their parties.

It’s just that WLRN tweeted about it only once. And it was a pretty vague tweet at that.  Last Sunday, in fact, which might as well be last year.

And if they don’t mention free sex, booze or food in the tweet, the Social Media Puto is likely to ignore it.

This is their sole tweet on the event.

And while it’s true that a “brainstorm session” is likely to involve discussions on “metrics” and “SEO”and “branding” and “engagement,” terms that bore the hell out of the Social Media Puto, the event was described as a “Social Media Mixer” on Facebook by his Social Media Friend, Blanca Mejia, who is known as Miami Shines on Twitter.

And if you look at the photo Blanca posted on her Facebook wall, you can see everybody has little green plates in front of them and there is even a few bottles on the table. So there was some indulging to go along with the engaging.

 

The Social Media Puto wasn’t the only person who felt excluded, judging by the comments on Blanca’s photos. Even James Echols of Soul of Miami said he had not heard of the event. And that guy hears and attends almost every event in Miami. He might even be more of a Social Media Whore than the Social Media Puto himself.

But perhaps WLRN deliberately kept the event low key to prevent the Social Media Puto and his whorish element from crashing the party. After all, it looks like this group is more serious about the brainstorming than the boozing. They don’t even appear concerned that their glasses are all empty.

 

 

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